Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Pirates Vs Ninjas!

Busty laughed heartily as opened her eyes to death.

“So, this is what it’s like to die?” She smirked, squinting around the room through her one good eye. There were no other ghosts there, though, and slightly disheartened, she pouted and sat down on the floor of the empty little room. It was all a bit of an anti-climax.

One moment, she’d been fighting, dancing around the deck of her ship, feeling the enemy’s swords pierce her flesh, fighting back as hard as she could. But now, sitting here, dead, all she could remember was the grin on that damned other captain’s face when he cut her down.

After a while Busy grew bored of her loneliness. Playing with the sword at her hilt, she leapt to her feet and shouted to her non-existent enemy, “Avast! Have at ye!” She thrust the tip of her sword forward and swung it around, making patterns in the air with her blade.

“Take that, landlubber!” She laughed, remembering all the battles she’d fought and won. But it had only taken one loss to land her here.

“How… Cute.” The voice came from behind her, startling Busty such that she stumbled on her wooden leg, and tripped, landing hard on the cold floor.

“Where did you come from?” She spat as she forced herself to her feet, snarling at the man that she could now see. He was thin, and small framed, wearing a bland black kimono and baggy trousers. His face was almost completely hidden with a hood and a mask covering his mouth and nose. His eyes, however, was dark and sparkling.

“I have been here the whole time,” he replied, folding his arms and leaning back against the wall. “It’s not my fault you aren’t perceptive enough to notice me. I could have slit your throat at any moment-“

“And I can slit your throat any time I like!” Busty cursed, taking a step forward. Her wooden leg made a loud bang on the floor every time she moved, and her ample frame bulged with overindulgence and a low-cut, red and white striped top almost threatened to spill her breasts forth.

She turned away, feigning giving up on the fight, and then quickly drew her sword and thrust it at the small man. But when her blade connected, it was not with the tender flesh she’d been intending on, but the hard wall behind.

“Curse ye!” Busty screamed, “Who be you to be so sneaky?”

“My name is Hiro Hito Sen'nyū.”

Busty raised an eyebrow. But the man, who was now standing directly behind her, only smiled and sat down on the floor.

“Who are you, so eloquent and bold?” He wore a long flowing cape, and as he moved Busty could see the glinting of many blades held about his person. There was his sword, at his belt, and five or six daggers along his torso. He even had the handle of some sort of weapon sticking out of his…

“Ahem.” Busty cleared her throat, and bowed, taking off her feathered hat and swinging it down, bowing as she did so. “I be Captain Busty Wenchworth. And I never be sufferin’ the likes of you ta live.”

Just as she finished speaking, she leapt forward and with her small dagger and blocked Hiro’s blade. She swung hard with her big cutlass, but the lithe man was too quick for her, ducking out of the way of her sword just in time.

From behind her, Busty could feel something slide into her back, and then felt a hand reach around her neck and press something sharp to her throat. The man sliced across her neck with a small dagger, and blood flowed down her flouncy shirt and corset. Then Hiro stepped back and smiled, walking around to face her, and watch her die.

But die she didn’t. Instead, whilst he was mocking, she lifted her cutlass and sliced at his belly, cutting through fabric and flesh, and flooding a sea of blood onto the floor between them.

“Huh.” Hiro observed, looking down at himself. “That’s different.”


Busty and Hiro sat on the floor, and sighed. They’d tried stabbing each other and burning each other. They’d even tried hanging, a make-shift guillotine and swallowing small shurikens, but nothing worked.

“I be givin’ up.” Busty cursed, throwing her cutlass over to the other side of the room. “We be dead already, so I cannae be killin’ ye.”

“It would seem so.” The man said quietly, sitting cross legged and stroking his chin as Busty reached into her cleavage and pulled out a flask.

“Rum?” She asked, gulping back a huge mouthful of the stuff.

“No.” Hiro’s words reeked with disdain, and Busty snarled.

“I may not be able ta beat ya wit’ me sword.” She spat, grinning, “but I bet I could beat ya when I was alive.”

“I bet not. I killed one hundred trained men before they managed to kill me. They didn’t know I was there until I had already killed ninety-nine of them.”

“Yeah? Bloody coward, hidin’ in the shadows. I managed to kill a hundred ruthless pirates, and every single one o them knew I was comin’!”

The man’s eyes darkened, and his brows furrowed. “Bah. That is nothing. I cut out a man’s eyes before he had even realised I was there. And then, I cut his throat because he could not see me without his eyes…”

Busty giggled, “Wow.” Then straightened her face. No being amused and impressed by the enemy. “Well,” she began again, leaning forward towards him. “I managed to kill a huge man-eating octopus, after it cut off me leg and one of its friends gouged out me eye. Whilst under the water, and wearing a corset!”

His eyebrows raised, and he nodded. “That’s impressive, indeed. But I don’t think you can beat this one. I killed a man, in a locked room with thirty trained swordsmen, without even unlocking the door or letting the guards notice my presence. The first they knew he was dead was when he began to smell…”

Busty’s eyes had grown wide, and her mouth slightly wide. “That indeed be skilful. I stole a chest of treasure from a ship full with seventy pirates, having killed every one of them on my own but the captain, and then forced him to open the chest, load it onto me ship, and then shoot himself in the head!”

Busty grinned and looked the man up and down.

“So… Have you ever kissed a pirate?” She smiled, winking at him through her one good eye.


Almost before he had finished speaking, Busty gasped as she felt his lips on hers, having hardly seen him move. She put her hands on either side of his face and pulled him tighter into the kiss.

“Now I have.”

The world began to melt around them. In the darkest depths of her mind, God tutted, and shook his head. Waving his hand dismissively, he had but one more thing to say.

“Rocks fall, everyone dies.”  

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